Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

I was tired of fighting.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Bats don't get cancer, now scientists think they know the reason - Earth.com

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What are the best sneakers for running?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Be who you already are.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

How John Cena recreated CM Punk’s Pipe Bomb promo and changed his farewell tour - Cageside Seats

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

And the sadness?

How can I get rid of the fake girls on social media that are claiming to be hookups? Is there a way to shuffle through them and the real women that actually want to talk?

It’s still here.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Does a narcissist ever get their comeuppance/karma for the vile things they've done? Such as cheating, smear campaign, etc.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Why am I attracted to older men?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

I had run out of hope.

Coastal Carolina coach says CWS ejection was unwarranted and he was wrongly accused of bumping ump - AP News

The sadness was still there.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Semiconductor Supplier GlobalFoundries to Spend $16B to Boost US Chip Production - Investopedia

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

You are like me, then.

New Chemical Kills 95% of Termites and Can’t Harm Humans - SciTechDaily

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.